Arranged Marriages

Well, personally, I've nothing against arranged marriages in general (though I would like to prefer the other option for myself, if I ever decide to bite the bait, that is): I've seen love marriages going completely wrong and arranged marriage couples living happily ever after. But often there are certain disturbing aspects of an arranged marriage.

The fact that we don't get much of a prior knowledge about the spouse-to-be might result in being stuck with an individual with a perfectly different mindset: different tastes, different values and that sort of stuff. Most of these unlucky folks can't break off an arranged marriage easily and tend to suffer forever with a long face. Marriage would always demand some amount of a compromise, but the amount is likely to be higher in an arranged one. Such marriages are like gambling one's luck on a Vegas Roulette; and the future of such negotiated relationships are as uncertain as the position or momentum of a rotating electron. Moreover, meeting and checking out someone with the sole interest of making him or her a spouse seems too artifical a way of establishing a relationship.

But the main issue is the way marriages are arranged usually. Nasty things like caste-matching, Kundali-mapping, Dowry are so often involved in such weddings. Almost all advertisements on the matrimonial columns specify the preferred caste and sub caste. Though expected amount of dowry is not stated on the advertisements, parents of a prospective groom most often expect to make a decent deal through the negotiations; and the bride's family sighs a breath of relief if the demands are manageable for them. Astrologers fatten their purses by making most of the opportunity, as they 'analyze' horoscopes to predict whether a pair would sustain happily or not.

Then there's the practice of 'bride-seeing': where the prospective bride sits pretty draped in her best Banarasi, dazzling in the resplendent jewellery that she inherited from Mom; with the prospective in laws staring at her with inquisitve eyes, in between munching the samosa and the sweets that are brought in aplenty. How perfectly disgusting that might be for a girl of dignity, having to market herself like a difficult-to-sell commodity!

These days many people go for some sort of a milder version of the above. They cut off the dowry, the routine of planet-matching and the formal 'bride-seeing' part. The persons involved see each other for some time before the marriage is sealed, and spend some time together to check if their frequencies are well tuned. When things appear to be going nice, only then the green signal is flashed. Such modernized arranged marriages are pretty much acceptable. More so in a society where inm ost cases the male and female still don't often get to see each other and mingle together in a casual, friendly sort of way.